Top Ten Signs You Need to Upgrade Your Cell Phone

10.  It’s in a bag

9.  It’s neither wireless nor cordless

8.  Texting involves a pigeon and a hand written note (or pressing the number 9 four times to get a "Z")

7.  Your carrier is Mugsy’s Storm Door and Cell Service and your payment method is cash only in unmarked bills left behind a park bench down by the river

6.  Your camera phone is actually a Polaroid Camera duct taped to it

5.  Instead of “Siri” you have “Serious”, your ex wife’s voice, who nags you constantly

4.  It’s the size of Maxwell Smart’s (Get Smart) shoe phone

3. It has only two ring tones; the fax machine noise, and the banjo music from Deliverance

2.  It has a removable rubber antenna.  Which you lost years ago

1. You think “Connecting with Bluetooth” means spending quality time with your grandma