FLIGHT 7734

This story is true.  It takes place two years ago on my flights to and from Texas for the fire school, where I encountered some unusual circumstances, to put it nicely.

It started in Augusta around 7am, where my plane was on time. I was scheduled to connect in Atlanta and then arrive in Houston about noon. 

We boarded the small jet that seats about 30 people and waited for takeoff.  After about an hour of sitting there waiting in the 100 degree temp, the captain came on the speaker and said “Ahh, attention folks, ahh, it seems we have encountered a problem with the push-back tractor, and ahh, we have to wait for the ground crew to make repairs before we can ahh be pushed back from the gate”. 

Holy moly. The Augusta airport is so small that we only have ONE push-back tractor!?! Well, we do only have two planes landing and taking off  a day and one of those is a crop duster. In the terminal area we only have TWO gates. Actually, it’s so small, a lady named Aunt Doris is the ticket check-in person, baggage handler, coffee server, security checkpoint person, bathroom attendant, ticket taker, PA announcer, TV remote operator, flight attendant, and the pilot.

Just let me off the stinkin plane, my truck is in the parking lot, I will push this sucker back.  As a matter of fact, Aunt Doris can probably push it back by hand. 

So we sat there about two hours until finally the tractor was repaired, or they called Uncle Doris to bring his John Deere down to the airport to push us back.

Obviously, this delay made me miss my connection in Atlanta (where they have 16 million push-back tractors) so I had to wait there for a few hours. 

Finally, they called our flight and as we were boarding zone three, suddenly, all these people starting coming back out of the jet-way.  Then an announcement, “Ahh, folks it looks like we ahh have had a fire on board in the ahh toilet.  Ahh, we will have to find another plane for the flight to ahh Houston”.  Unbelievable.  How the heck do you have a FIRE in the toilet?  Too much Taco Bell for lunch?  Extra hot bean nachos and a spicy chalupa? It’s pretty bad when you leave the bathroom so messed up that you have to set a fire to cover up the stench.       

Well, after many delays, I finally arrived in Houston about 9pm and drove to College Station, where I arrived around 11pm.

I was thinking, hey, I got all my flight troubles out of the way on my flight out here, so going home will be a breeze. Not so fast my friend.

After a great and uneventful week at the fire school, I headed over to Houston to prepare myself for a lovely flight home.

We boarded about 30 minutes late, not too bad, and took off in the friendly skies to Atlanta.   I had a two seat aisle to myself, it was fantastic. Some lady was screaming at her 4 year old “JEFFREY, JEFFREY, JEFFERY!” So, I put on my headphones and tried to relax.  Still way better than the last flight. 

Until…about 45 minutes into the flight…

The captain came on the PA and said, without any hesitation, “Everyone please fasten your seat belts, tray tables up, electronics off, we are preparing to land”.  I was optimistically like, wow, that was really fast!

Again the captain is on the PA, this time with a little more nervousness in his voice “It appears we have lost all electronic navigation and we are making an emergency landing in Baton Rouge. Flight attendants please sit down and fasten your seat belts.  Passengers insure your seat belts are fastened and tight”.  Uh oh.  This doesn’t sound good. 

I have flown maybe 100 times in my life, but this is the only time that I can remember being truly concerned. 

We buckled up and prepared for the worse.  People were praying out loud, including me.  We quickly descended and made an extremely rough, but safe landing.  Applause erupted. 

A guy sitting across the aisle from me looked over with a frightened, yet relieved face and said “I used to be a commercial pilot.  That was a lot worse than he let us know.  He landed completely in the blind”.  Wow.  At least we were safe.   

In the terminal we get word that our plane cannot be repaired.  There were no more flights out to Atlanta available that evening so it was decided that we would be bussed over to the New Orleans airport about 2 hours away.

We had to claim our luggage quickly and get on the move because the flight left New Orleans in about two and a half hours. 

As it turns out, no more buses were available, so we were transported via taxis.  I climbed in the front passenger seat and two guys got in the back.  Neither spoke English.  The taxi driver took off fast and wild.  Halfway out of the airport he says “Hmmm, maybe I should have gotten gas earlier”.  What?!? Even more good news.

We hit the rush hour traffic on Interstate 10 and slowed to a snail’s pace.  There’s no way we are making this flight.  The gas light “dinged” on the Taxi dash board and I looked at the driver and said “How in the world do you show up to an airport with no gas?”  He just smiled and said “We will make it”.  Famous last words.

If you’ve ever been there, you know in July, in south Louisiana, strong thunderstorms are the norm of the day, especially this time of day, in rush hour traffic, late for a flight, and your taxi is low on gas.   As all the oceans in the world fell out of the dark clouds, the taxi began to sputter, and then stop.  We coasted to the side of the road about halfway between Baton Rouge and New Orleans, completely out of fuel.  The guys in the back seat started yelling and cursing something, I think. 

 

I had been texting a friend and fellow instructor that lives in Louisiana updating him on all the escapades, and at this point I am no longer upset but I am literally laughing out loud so hard tears are running down my face. 

We all three jumped out in the pouring rain, and PUSHED the taxi to the next exit and down the off-ramp to a gas station.  Completely out of breath and soaked to the bone, we climbed back in the taxi and waited for the driver put in $20 worth of gas. $20 really?   Exasperated faces are the same no matter what country you are from.

We arrived at the New Orleans airport 10 MINUTES before departure time.  I thought there’s no way they are gonna let me check my luggage and get on this plane.  But, I was wrong.  The nice lady said “We’ve been waiting on you, give me your luggage and get to your flight!”  I made it. 

No other troubles followed.  I got home to Augusta at 3am the next morning.  I think there was a guy who left Texas the same time as I did on his bicycle and made it to Augusta before I did, but thank GOD I made it safely. 

As I drifted off to sleep in my own bed, I dreamed the Texas Fire School put in an airplane toilet fire training prop…